What OCD Actually Is (And Why It Feels So Hard to Let Go)

One of the hardest parts about OCD is that it can convince you that this one thought needs your full attention.

It can whisper things like:

"You need to figure this out."

"You can't move on until you know for sure."

"What if this time it's different?"

And before you know it, you've spent an hour Googling, replaying a conversation, checking your body, asking someone for reassurance, or trying to convince yourself that everything is okay. Sound familiar? If it does, I want you to know something.

You're not weak.

You're not "going crazy."

And you're definitely not alone.

Let's make sense of what's happening.

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The first thing I tell almost every client is this: Everyone has intrusive thoughts (seriously, everyone). The difference isn't whether you have intrusive thoughts but what your brain does with them. Most people have a strange thought and move on. However, someone living with OCD has the same thought... but their brain treats it like it's an emergency. Instead of thinking,

"Well, that was weird."

OCD says,

"Hold on. We need to figure this out before anything bad happens!!"

That's where the cycle begins.

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Here's something else that's really important to understand. The intrusive thought isn't actually the problem.

I know that sounds strange especially when you’re in the middle of it, and the thought feels so incredibly real. But OCD doesn't keep going because of the thought. It keeps going because of what it convinces you to do next.

Maybe it tells you to:

• Google your symptoms.
• Ask your partner if everything is okay.
• Replay yesterday's conversation.
• Wash your hands one more time.
• Check the stove... just in case.
• Mentally review whether you're a "good person."

And the frustrating part is those things usually work for a little while. You feel that tiny bit of relief and think to yourself…

"Okay... I feel better now."

But then OCD comes back. Maybe ten minutes later, tomorrow, or next week with another question or “what if” scenario. Another reason why this time feels different.

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One of the biggest misconceptions about OCD is that it's looking for safety. (Spoiler alert, It's not). OCD is looking for certainty. And certainty is something life simply can't give us which is why reassurance never seems to last. That's why checking doesn't feel finished and why Googling leads to one more article. OCD keeps moving the finish line.

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This is also why treatment can feel so backwards. Most of us have spent months—or even years—trying to get rid of anxiety or making the thoughts stop or feel certain.

Then we start ERP, and someone says

"Instead of answering OCD, what if we practiced not answering it?"

At first, that can feel completely counterintuitive or even impossible. But here's what I want you to remember. Recovery isn't about getting rid of every intrusive thought. It's about becoming so confident in your ability to handle uncertainty that you no longer feel the need to answer every question OCD asks. That's a very different goal and one that's more realistically achievable.

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So the next time OCD shows up...Instead of immediately asking,

"How do I make this feeling go away?"

Try asking yourself,

"What's OCD asking me to do right now?"

Maybe it's asking you to Google.

Maybe it's asking you to check.

Maybe it's asking you to ask someone for reassurance.

You don't have to solve the thought immediately or decide what it means. Sometimes the first step is simply noticing what OCD is asking of you because once you can recognize OCD's voice...You have the opportunity to choose your own.